Historical Quotes

Smut: It's Period!

Hilarity occurs often in meetings of the Whitman Medieval Society and the Renaissance Faire committee. There's a lot of crossover in membership of these two groups, and whenever we get together, weirdness ensues. Damn are we ever weird. And we love it. I recorded some of these quotes, and our loving WMS secretary recorded others (they are the key part of the minutes). Names have (usually) been abbreviated or withheld to protect the weird. Blang! Huzzah!

2000-2001
1999-2000


2000-2001

"Flatulent monks in German!"

"Yay! Bruise!"

"Afro tart!"

"We could search for the compositum."
"Ha ha ha ha ha. . .NO!"

"Bunch of Philistines!"

"She collects all our money for drinking and whoring."

"It's over the bodies of dead senior citizens!"

"Twit has a new car. It's his third one this year."

"You look like you're about to take a munch from his neck."

"Are you saying she looks like a man?"

"No no. This is just you and your legs."

"Let's do this thing like a wicked ass bitch."

"She probably wants to kill and eat me."

"I didn't know my ass could bleed that much."

"Hey Kevin, let's tie you up in duct tape and set your hair on fire!"

"Rat souffle, rat pie, and rat-tat-touie!"

"Light fighting is like marijuana: it's a gateway to heavier things."

"Duck flavored slushies!"

"B., um, what are you doing here?"

"We can send plague rats into Congress!"

"Quack! Quack like a duck, boy!"

"You wanna do a duck?"

"I'm shellacking the duck!"

"We'll go into duck mechanics later."

"I can never get enough medieval BDSM."

"Half-done, half-baked, half-witted"

"'I turn into a duck by the light of the moon! BWAHAHAH -'
'A duck?'
'Well, all the good animals were taken.'"

"Good thing you're not mentally ill."

"Don't garrot me!"

"Oh, collapsed lung? I'm sorry."

"That's my measuring tape, don't eat it!"

"I need your head again."

"Men, do each other."

"We'll just have B. measure himself."

"The mice are furious."

"... sucking and poking ..."

"It's a pump-action cock!"

"How hard is it to get shellac off the human body?"

"Shellac the ruff!"

"woof woof! Or whatever dogs say in Old Norse."
"Voof voof!"

"Carve a Celtic design in your ASS!"

"It should've been a mullet duck."

"Don't camp downwind of Biffies."
"Everywhere is downwind of Biffies."

	

1999-2000

*whack* "That's from Ann."
"Which one?"

"We're going to Vegas!"
"For a quickie wedding!"
"Oh, Riana, I didn't know you cared!"

"He's the nicest guy I've ever met. Bring a dictionary to class."

"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."

"I don't. wear. skintight. leather. pants."
"No, but Riana does!"
~actually, they're kinda baggy

"The Sigs are leprechauns! The Sigs are leprechauns!"
"Dude, the Sig house has a pot of gold! Let's get it!"
"The WMS raids tomorrow!"

"Quit screwing up my badness!"

"I'll sell it... for Tom Cronin's soul."
"Tom Cronin doesn't have a soul!"

"You can't compete with rodentia, I'm sorry."

"Twit did whatever he wanted because he was a dog."

"It's amazing what you learn about people when you sleep with them."

"Slot machine heraldry!"
"Did you say slut machine?"

"Hermit crabs."

"I just can't deal with fantasies."

"That joke fell flat, Twit."

"You better pay for that. That was tiring!"

"There was a guy who thought Twit was on drugs."

"We could stop by, say hi, steal food, and leave."

"The Anti-Christ is in New York."

"There once was a man named McCleary
Whose vision was just a bit bleary
When asked by a cop
Why it was that he'd stopped
He replied, 'I was entering Neeri.'"
~ ever get bored on long car rides?

"Okay, you guys can make war in the front yard. Just don't make love in the front yard."

"You want me to dance with my shirt on?"
"Yes. Shirt on..."
"...Kilt off!"

"I think we all suffer from a deplorable excess of character."

"Are you in a cult?"
"No, I'm in a kilt."

"Publicity. We aren't getting on Felicity."

"You wanna marry my ferrets?"
"WAHOO!"

"Off from the topic of eating one's pets..."
"It's better than eating your children."

"I've got an invisible pig and I know how to use it!"
"Please don't pick up the invisible pig and flail it around."
"Don't pick up the invisible pig, he's not your type."

"You ate my dead dog! Did you at least use a seasoning?"

"There will be no raping of Riana during meeting hours."
"But afterwards it's fine."

"If there's any guys going, wear a pushup bra and a dress."

"Tri-Delts? They go well with bacon."

"The priest will be a sheep."
"The priest will be a sheep? Or have a sheep?"

"California camping is trees surrounded by a five-star hotel."

"Your mom's a period aphrodisiac."

"...and speaking of gogo..."

"N., get a haircut."

"Hamster porn."

"It's really easy to surf on Lakum Duckum."

"How can you get sick of investigating people's personal lives?"

"If he can learn to do it, then I can learn to do it, and we can do it in the privacy of our own rooms."

"I'm ambidextrous."
"Yeah, she swings both ways."

"And in the meantime, I'll remove my kidneys and insert a laser beam in my stomach!"

"K.! You. Me. And the fuzzy underwear!"

"You're smart -- I'm male."

"Leadership is all about bullshit."

"Killing people--Irish style! 'Die, yae bastard!'"

"That means I have to sleep with him or something. . .I'm obsessed with Canadians!"

"SIEGE THING!!!!"

"Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy..."

"Bow-chick-a-bow-wow-chick-a-bow-wow."

"Has anyone seen my penis? I haven't seen it since the party."

"No. You shove a rocket up its ass and light it."

"We're all going home with Heidi."

"K., film G. now."

"It's a big cubist sex orgy!"

"You're not supposed to watch them. You're supposed to sit there and whack off!"

"Philistines. Mmmmmm."

"Hay."
"What?"
"No, really, it says 'hay.'"
~ next on the agenda...

"Because everybody recognizes the Universal Biffy Sign."

"I like the idea of children dancing around a phallic symbol."
"Naked."

"Those are pretty scruffy-looking."
"So are we."

"...And we wear white and look like marshmallows."
"That's what we need the tiki torches for!" ~ get the graham crackers!

"Here there be chickens"

"Life is a big joke to you, isn't it?"
"No, just you, K."

"Arches over the street..."
"Archers over the street! With flaming arrows!"

"K.! No! Dude! You're Prentiss [women's hall]! Think about it!"
*pause*
*slow smile*

"Promotional rats!"
"For Promotional Use Only. Not For Resale."

"How many cupholders do we want?" ~ the essential question in throne design

"Did you say spanking privileges?!"

"It's ticking."
"It's chicken?"
"No, it's ticking. And it's also chicken."

o/~ "We're poisoning pigeons in the park..." o/~
"...I think I'll just go."
~ don't walk in on a meeting when people are singing Tom Lehrer songs


General College Quotes
Senior Quotes
Other High School Quotes
Alg. II/Trig Quotes
Lassie Go Home
Whine, Bitch, and Complain