Hilarity occurs often in everyday life, at least in my everyday life. So inevitably, weird quotes* would arise outside of tenth-grade math class, and have continued to do so ever since that infamous year. (Math hasn't been quite as zany since, and that's saying something: you know how math teachers are.) Here are yet more bizarre things people have said, in addition to the other weird quotes. (Does it disturb anybody else that the quotes seem to be burgeoning out of control?) Almost all of them were said at school. The interesting thing about transcribing these quotes from my notebooks is how I quickly learned to scan only the margins, completely ignoring all the (very valuable and interesting) content. Hmmm.
I thought that "quotes2" was getting to be a bit long, so I decided that I'd make a fresh start for my senior year, which is now long since over. (Yeehaw!) God, you know you're a Certified Student when you measure time by what period of the school year it is. Names have been abbreviated to protect the weird.
*Actually, I have been informed that the proper term is "quotations," and "quote" can be used only as a verb. Now, as an English major, I take my grammar very seriously. But in this case, I think I'm just gonna hafta say, "Screw it!"
"I think farm people in Maine are not as friendly as everybody else"
"Begin with a beautiful young woman, comes to life as hideous nightmare creature" ~ on de Kooning
"I'm weird, I'm weird, I'm weird! Mommy, can we please go early?!"
"I'm going insane."
"I've noticed."
"The laundry dance"
"Fat and snorting"
"Isn't he 25 years older than her?"
"Details!"
"This is not to say that we should all turn into sadomasochists"
"It looks kind of like a Star Trekky like a wedge of cheese!"
"Rock, if I say 'jump,' you say 'how high?'!"
"This bizarre, almost mystical power... whoo"
"What you'll see in slightly older books - or slightly older professors, one of the two..."
"Due to popular demand, school is cancelled. ...No."
"Funeral analysis?"
"Functional analysis!" ~ is there a difference?
"I like obvious. It makes me feel secure in an insecure world."
"I wouldn't do it to just any class"
"We're special!"
"You're wise in the ways of pedagogy"
"Everything disappears"
"So the motto of the calculus AP is 'be a bacterium'?"
"It looks something like the American Medical Association kinda deal"
"The math gods are speaking to you"
"It's like putt putt putt putt putt"
"Are you mocking your calculator?"
"Tet Offensive here"
"Infinity isn't really a number..."
"It's a state of mind."
"Infinity isn't a destination, it's a journey."
"I'm just here to brighten up your day"
"What kind of graph would it be?"
"Ugly"
"The calculator has the brain of a cabbage." ~ feel superior?
"Of course, it'd give you scoliosis" ~ on the (literally) 7-lb. textbook
The textbook's author: "A man with too much time"
"Never ask questions"
"It's just a thing"
"It took about 200 years for calculus to finalize."
"How do we do it in one year then?" ~ GOOD QUESTION!
"And then get on with the rest of your life"
"One of those giraffe weird things"
"It's kind of like a DMZ"
"It's a little thingie"
"You're probably wondering what I'm talking about" ~ usually, yes
"Just make some squiggly"
"The morass, the bog, of this algebra"
"Geometrically, that's a what?"
"Ugly number"
"It's much easier to have a flow when you know what you're doing"
"I was gonna do string, but that was too low-tech"
"Am I causing friction in the classroom?"
"Whoa there, tiger"
"The little engine that could, here"
"Oh, the pastrimity!" ~ pastries have tragedies, too
"These are actually pretty lousy"
"All for one and Liz for all"
"We're just so naive"
"It's rather obscure"
"Something more grandiose"
"Integrals'R'Us"
"What if a weird thing happens?"
"Create a bag o' tricks"
"This is the Jeopardy! side"
"That's good"
"I have no idea where we're going with this thing"
"It doesn't matter if there's like 10,000 little blobs"
"And then the birds go 'chirp' and everything will be nice"
"Does anyone have any chocolate?"
"I'm just smart! I'm never going to become a teacher!"
"You're looking for the Star Trek bit"
"This actually will be a feelgood thing, I hope"
"I can spin things on my finger! Wanna see?"
"Drugs, sex and dominoes"
"He's like a nice basset hound or something, you know, snore by the fire"
"I had an impression that he was gay in the story, especially when he had an affair with a man at the end"
"It's curious"
"Some nice piece of marriage material"
"Foreshadowing with a hammer"
"Let them eat cake? and PIE! Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?"
"That was cathartic, wasn't it?"
"Every Danish"
"The end of outside"
"I think uh... I think he's kinda spooky"
"Boy, that's good"
"Cheap pleasures, Mr. S."
"It's kind of hard to live without a body"
"R. G.: You are wrong. Go jump off a bridge."
"Rilke - in the hole!"
"He leaves you to sort of mull that over for the rest of your life"
"It's a way in which - am I making sense?"
"This meatloaf... am I looking at it or is it looking at me?"
"I want to make love to the oatmeal"
"Nothing, nothing is good enough"
"You're grimacing in an interesting way"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"What can I say except, 'Sucks to be you'"
"Do you have a Kafka hangover?"
"Whoa. I totally know how you feel. That sucks."
"I've penned myself!"
"Live happily ever after in a cottage in the Black Forest"
"There's this obsession with teeth through this whole book"
"It doesn't appear to be wigging him out"
"Hallucinating again"
"This happens often?"
"Uh, not often"
"If one wants to get real Greek about this..." ~ uh oh
"I have no real clear memories of the spoons I have used."
...
"Yup."
"Too much irrelevant funk"
"Hee hee, let's go bowling!"
"Let's cry!"
"He's trying to fuck with our head!"
"Um... God bless you both"
"No more X-Files for you!"
"Is this book as depressing as I think it is, or is it just that the days are so short?"
"Sort of an interesting compound predicate"
"Sit at home and stare at the wall all day and grow a little garden"
"There's nothing else to do, let's kill a man"
"We're all glad you're not armed"
"They're sick and mean, and kind of evil"
"Which Ford?"
"The Year of Our Ford" ~ pining for the fjords?!
"I know you're out there! I can hear you sleeping!"
"Are we having fun yet?" ~ no.
"Synthesize something"
"One of these days, I'll win you over to the dark side"
"Mole-to-mole carpeting"
"You just like to play with the elements"
"Do people just, like, not like having you at parties?"
"Membership into a Satan club" ~ no girls allowed!
"I'm not getting married just so I can have sex!"
"Cat war games"
"Is it real or is it Memorex? It's GUCCI!"
"I don't wanna wear all black, 'cuz it's uuugly"
"You may like them, but they don't necessarily like you" ~ animals