"That line sucks."

"I think it's a beastie."

"Scaaary..."

"Feel the love."

"You're the Pinochet of Casti." ~ said to G-Unit; Casti, ostensibly, was my high school

"We're such a democracy!"

"If he looks like Ms. M [chem teacher], you have other problems."

"Shipping chickens from Arkansas"

"Didn't we kill that horse?"
"We're kickin' a dead horse."
"What's this about dead whores?"

"It's a box!"

"The cookie boy's Nerf formula"

"We're decimal bigots."

"Stuff. It's bad, it's really bad."

"Sometimes, you have. no. choice."

"Question: Does Mr. G bounce?"

"It's absolutely obligatory!"

"Ontological algebra"

"I don't understannnnnd..." ~ when the teacher's confused, you know you're in trouble.

"Demented blob machine!"

"Guys, check this action out!"

"Let's ostracize it uselessly."

"I got a hemoglobin-flavored sucker here."

"Because they'd just gotten out of bed and they hadn't yet ingested as much cocaine as you guys have." ~ we were a whole class of crackbabies

"It wasn't random, it was premeditated."

"Yeah, it was my brother. HAAA!" ~ on a dead'un at CalTrain Menlo Park

"On Planet Sudafed, death is funny."

"The current <duh>time</duh>?!"
"Not on Planet Sudafed."
"Now we're all on Planet Sudafed!"
"I'm too sick to be here, bye."

"The precious town of *Rising Fawn*."

"HAPPY PROBLEM!"

"It's very, very icky."

"Baklava!"

"Our minds are miasma in your hands."

"sin(x): the nose cleaner without the pump."

"Too much cocaine this morning."

"There is a method to our madness here."

"There's the original beastie."

"That'd be a major bummer."

"What happens if the nucular plant in Denver blows up?"
"It'd suck to live in Denver."

"My homework is a flaming mess today."

"WHY do I have Paula Abdul in my head?!"

Once you get to Bangor, "There's no getting out."
In Bangor, "They bore a hole to Fort Lauderdale."
"Stephen King, who incidentally would write a story like this..."
On the Bangor plane: "It's a giant boomerang."
"So you're stuck on a giant boomerang."
"I'll run through airports shouting, 'Don't go to Bangor!'"
If a certain problem were put on the next test, "We would send you to Bangor."

"Fallen off the face of this earth, that's where they are."

Q. Your radiator's really hot.
A. "Roast something."

"It's, ummm, bad??"

"It's gonna go... squish."

"All of our bathtowels are blue."

"What's your favorite function?"
"F(x)=2."
*pause*
"That's really dull."

"Let's be gothic Castigirls for a day!"

"You've ruined my sense of self-worth for years to come."

"Was she stapling you?"

"Ground-up lemmings"

"Ninja Thompson!"

"That's just a really extraterrestrial question."

"It's like those cheap hotels you see: 'Now crawl space is corpse-free!'"
"There'll be rotting flesh interfering with your HBO."

"The sneeze alert has passed."

"Ow, I caught my finger on my nostril!"

"What do you think they were doing all weekend? Rolling around in the flowers or something?"

"I find this very humorous. That's the sad part. This is like totally funny."

"I'm a little teapot, right?"

"It's devilishly hard in the guise of being simple (huh, like him)."

"Angels sing in the background and she has a revelation!"

"If she wants to make those tick marks, she can."

"Could we maybe have a conversation other than a riot?"

"All we need now is for him to cross-dress."

"He's teaching how to be mean" this year. ~ on a stern teacher

"At some point you'll realize that nobody cares!!"

"Isn't that lovely?"

"Look, my thing is falling apart!"
"Your finger's falling apart?!"

"Who gives a whit?" (pronounced "hwit")

"How much do we have to pay you?"
"A couple Tootsie Roll pops and five bucks should do it."

"Is there a soundtrack for this class?"

"Then wok it up and stick a fork in it."

"She's got these flashbacks to her Vietnam experience."

"She's this weird odd bigot thing."

"How scandaleux."

"Just remember: everything in the world is backwards." ~ quoting Willy Wonka

"L'entire chose eclatera dans ton visage."

"Do you like ice-skating?"
"From time to time. That's a random question."
"'Cuz you're always sliding around this room."

"They turn out to be ugly-and-a-half!"
"Wow, that's my expression."

"Mr. G, I'd make an obscene gesture but I'd get in really big trouble."

On G-Unit coming in white dress uniform: "That would make my year."

"Gumptu?"

"Vuja de is the feeling that you haven't been somewhere when you have."

"Marmots are mountain ants."

"Until I'm on vacation, everything has permission to be ugly."

"La boite de mort"
"He stays the heck out of the box of death."

"This is the Gobi Desert, dudes."

"This is a pre-evolutionary hyperbola."

"The circle looks sad, it misses its mommy."

"You want me to go down to hell at 88 miles per hour, on the bike."

"I'm not listening."
"Neither are we, so that's okay."
"Ouch."

"Here's a spooky one for ya."

"Wayne's World! 2!"

"Hold that thought about the suicide, okay?"

"Hey! Ask me if I care!"
"Do you care?"
"I don't care!"

"Like very strong schnapps."

"Alanis is the manifestation of evil to man on earth!"

"Plug. It. In."

"Crucified one variable"

"This thing is having more than a bad hair day."

"Math is just like the real world: there are few pretty people."

"Mr. G has a pool? That's another laugh" ~ G-Unit himself

On being in an empty room and therefore having a party: "But it doesn't say very much for him."

"That's because it's being unctuous, like a used-car salesman."

"We're going to pull your tongues out through your noses!!"

"Death is knocking at our door! ...Oh, it's just her."

"Would you please stop whimpering?"

"Only in your world, Mr. G."